Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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