i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
