sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
