Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Mom said you looked used
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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