Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
