just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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