It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize