High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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