so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
