Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize