he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
