Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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