How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize