I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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