Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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