Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize