I feel great
I just peed on a car
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's rum buckets o'clock
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
