I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
