It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize