Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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