Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
