She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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