just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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