Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize