she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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