i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
