You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
