it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
