Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
