I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize