oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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