I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize