Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
