Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
