I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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