just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
