put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
