how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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