this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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