i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
