Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
