Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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