Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
