porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
