Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
