Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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