"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
