I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
