maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
