dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
