My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
