well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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