would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
