Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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