im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
