Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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