I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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