Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
