We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
