I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
