saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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