Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
