The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
