im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
