If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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