You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
