...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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