I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
