I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize