I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
