i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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