Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
