Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
