u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
