I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
