she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
