A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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