I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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