We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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