Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
