So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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