Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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