You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
