it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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