i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
