So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
