Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We need to get me chipped asap
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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