He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
