I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
