The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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