Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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