we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize