Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
