I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
