I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
