All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
