Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
