Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize