I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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