its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
