im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
