So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
