i think my mom watched the whole time
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize