i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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