He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
