As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
