My room smells like vodka and shame
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
