what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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