he puts the penis in happiness.
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
