so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
